Jenny’s First Blow Job

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Mr. Miller drove a grey BMW. At the time, it was the coolest car I had ever seen, or been in. Mr. Miller always let me listen to my radio stations too. He always made comments like; “This is cool. I can listen to this.” He always sounded like such an old guy when he tried too talk about music, or movies, or school. But, all he really wanted was to connect with me.

It was a 20 minute drive from my house to the Miller’s. At least, for my mom it was a 20 minute drive; Mr. Miller always took 30 or so. However, tonight I wasn’t paying any attention to the radio or to Mr. Miller’s slow driving. Tonight all I could think about was what I had done and if I would get caught. I would never be able to look at the Miller’s again! I was embarrassed just thinking of the lecture my mom would give.

“You seem a little distracted. You got something on your mind Jenny?” Mr. Miller said

“I’m sorry was I spaced out?” I laughed. “My mind was on some things. You know the usual stuff.” I said.

“Well, what is usual stuff these days? And I bet a lot hasn’t changed. Oh, the names will always change, but the problems stay the same.” He said.

“I guess so.”

Mr. Miller sighed.

Looking back I realize his frustration. Connecting with people at the age of 18 or 19 is hard. They think everything is unique to them. That they have some idea about how the real world works and how people are suppose to act. But they don’t. And I was no different. That knowledge only comes from living. I read a quote one time in a college literature class. It said experience is something we call our mistakes. I can’t remember who said it, but it’s true enough.

“School work getting tougher is just a fact of life. Boy trouble? Is it peer pressure? Mr. Miller said.

“No. None of those really is really my problem, but yeah all of those. Kind’a.” I don’t know what the hell I was trying to say to him with that. I just wanted to give him some answer besides the truth.

“Oh I see.” He said.

I had to smile at that.

“You know Jenny I’m not a bad guy. You can talk to me. I mean really talk to me. If you wanted too talk that is. I know what you’re going through. At least, I think I do. I didn’t have a father growing up either. And I just want you to know that there are things people figure out when they are older that they wish they would have known when they were younger. Do you understand?” He said

“I think so.” I said

He smiled as he said; “I know you’re a pretty young freshman. I bet the boys hang on your every word huh?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. In fact, after a pause to let the awkwardness fade I spoke without thinking.

“Well, sometimes they do, but I don’t really get boys. I mean, I know they want to be flirted with.” I paused because I realized that I had just purposed an actually inner question to someone I really didn’t know that well and a grown man at that. “Well, they want to be flirted with by one girl, but then that’s not enough, because they run off to another girl and another and another after that.” I spoke very softly.

“Well Jenny sometimes guys will do anything to make a girl smile. The trick to playing the game well is, well, not giving in to soon and not holding out too much. If you know what I’m saying.” He said

I blushed as I thought back to James. I certainly made him smile.

“Jenny, maybe you should just let go your inhibitions now and just ask me what you really want to ask hmm? He said with a smile. Suddenly, Mr. Miller pulled over in front of a house that wasn’t mine. In fact, it was about 2 blocks down from mine. “There, that will give us sometime to finish our talk hmm? He said.

“Sure.” I said in my best fake enthusiastic voice. I was stalling as I tried to figure out what exactly was the point of this talk.

“Jenny, you’re a beautiful, young, vibrant, girl. But, I’m afraid you have the wrong ideas about boys. Now you say you don’t get boys. Flirting is a game Jenny. You both play it, because you both want something from it.”

I started to blush and smile. Is Mr. Miller flirting with me? I looked down at the floor at my feet. He has such a pretty wife. He has this car and lots of money and he’s flirting with me. I was awestruck!

“Well, what kind of reward does the winner get. I mean, if it’s a game, there must be a reward. Right?” I was barley able to get out an audible sound at this point. I was running on pure adrenaline and fear.

“In this kind of game Jenny both parties are rewarded. The game is fun. The rewards are fun. Isn’t this talk fun?” He said. He took off his seat belt and leaned back more against the door than against his chair. He placed his hands over his eyes and rubbed them. He was now facing me more than he was not.

Just then I did understand the game. I understood it more then than ever before. He was embarrassed to be flirting with an 18 year old girl, but he couldn’t help his self. He couldn’t help but flirt with me. I can’t tell you how inflating that is to one’s self confidence. At that moment I realized that I may have been his car, his rules, and he may have been playing the game, but I ran it!

“This is a fun game.” I said with a confident smile.

“Well I’m glad you like it.” He said.

“In fact, I’ve never been too far in this game Mr. Miller.” I said, cutting his sentence short. “Like I said, most boys just run off to the next girl pretty early in the game.”

“That’s ashamed.” He said, obviously taken back by my new found confidence.

“The real shame is that I don’t know what the next move is. I have all these emotions.” I looked down at the floor and smiled, because I couldn’t say that corny line with a straight face. I could only hope that he would buy it.

“Emotions can drive you crazy at this age Jenny. That is the real point of this talk. And, I don’t want you to be afraid of them. Ok? He said.

I smiled as I wondered how far this would go. Would he let me touch him? Would he kiss me? I was confident, but not confident enough to kiss him first. But, if he made a move, I thought, it wouldn’t be so bad. I would enjoy it, I thought. And, it would be nice to have someone on my side if James ever told what happened.

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